Clean & Green

“Can I help you find something?”

“Yes, thanks. Do you have a face cream that will give me back the last ten years of my life?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh and I also need an eye cream to return the color under my eyes to a medium-ivory. This dark blue shade is not doing anything for me.”

“We have a lovely new certified organic, certified cruelty-free, certified clean facial beauty system called: “It’s All Happening.” Would you like to try some samples?”

“No. I like chemicals. Nothing too clean. Give me hardcore products that mad scientists have invented.”

“It’s not fair to our environment to fill it with hash chemicals, that’s why skincare companies are finally going clean and green.”

“I don’t care about the environment right now. I care about getting my face back. My face looks like I’ve given up on life.”

“Well have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Have you given up on life?”

“Not yet, but we’re only a few months into the new year. Please just show me the products that have all the chemicals.”

“Fine, but you’re ruining the planet just for vanity’s sake.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re young with flawless juicy skin. Get back to me when you’re my age.”

“I’m going to embrace aging. Aging is a privilege after all.”

“Oh my God, I can’t even…please, just point me to the lotions and potions aisle.”

“Over here. This is your section. It’s a new, highly toxic, chemical-y skincare line created by a former CIA weapons analyst.”

“Perfect. I appreciate your help. I promise to make a donation to Save The Planet to offset buying these evil products.”


I Want It All

I know it’s not a healthy breakfast, but I don’t care. I want a croissant or pain au chocolat, with a strong cup of coffee.

I don’t need a giant Costco bag of apples, just one perfect crisp McIntosh will do.

I want to eat eggs from the happiest of chickens, the ones who run free on a family-run farm. Yes they are more expensive, but you can taste their joy.

My afternoon snack is a piece of cake with frosting covered in sprinkles. It’s a silly cake, the kind you might make for a six year old’s birthday, but it’s what I want and it makes me smile. Yes I will crash from the sugar high and need to nap like a toddler, but it’s worth it.

I want to cook dinner like my Aunt showed me, the one who lived in Paris. Cook anything in a cast iron pan with butter and white wine and it will be like dining on the Rue Mouffetard.

Speaking of wine, I want to drink mine from mis-matched vintage glasses, the ones that are etched with swirls and trimmed in gold. And I want to drink it every night.

Before sleeping I want to massage my face with a heavy rose-scented cream. Maybe it won’t take away my wrinkles, but they will enjoy the lovely rose scent and I will too.

I will read a fashion magazine in bed. Not a book about something important. Instead I will look at beautiful clothing designed by artists who paint our bodies with fabric instead of painting canvas. This is important to me and it will help me dream of magical adventures, where I laugh and twirl and love myself and throw glitter down on everyone sleeping, so that when they wake, they exclaim, “whatever happened last night? Why is there a rainbow of glitter in our bed?”

This is what I want. I don’t care if it seems fanciful or silly or not what I should be doing. For the only thing I should be doing is living as my truest self. The doctors said I would be dead by now, that my cancer would devour me, but somehow I am still here. A mystery to them. So while I’m still here, I want it all. And I want it covered in gold sparkles.