“Can I help you find something?”
“Yes, thanks. Do you have a face cream that will give me back the last ten years of my life?”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh and I also need an eye cream to return the color under my eyes to a medium-ivory. This dark blue shade is not doing anything for me.”
“We have a lovely new certified organic, certified cruelty-free, certified clean facial beauty system called: “It’s All Happening.” Would you like to try some samples?”
“No. I like chemicals. Nothing too clean. Give me hardcore products that mad scientists have invented.”
“It’s not fair to our environment to fill it with hash chemicals, that’s why skincare companies are finally going clean and green.”
“I don’t care about the environment right now. I care about getting my face back. My face looks like I’ve given up on life.”
“Well have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Have you given up on life?”
“Not yet, but we’re only a few months into the new year. Please just show me the products that have all the chemicals.”
“Fine, but you’re ruining the planet just for vanity’s sake.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re young with flawless juicy skin. Get back to me when you’re my age.”
“I’m going to embrace aging. Aging is a privilege after all.”
“Oh my God, I can’t even…please, just point me to the lotions and potions aisle.”
“Over here. This is your section. It’s a new, highly toxic, chemical-y skincare line created by a former CIA weapons analyst.”
“Perfect. I appreciate your help. I promise to make a donation to Save The Planet to offset buying these evil products.”
“Whatever.”
sparkledame 