TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL CONTENT
Why can’t I get just one kiss?
Why can’t I get just one kiss?
There may be some things that I wouldn’t miss
But I look at your pants and I need a kiss
“I love your earrings.”
“Thanks. I got them at Le Chateau.”
Why can’t I get just one screw?
Why can’t I get just one screw?
Believe me, I know what to do
But something won’t let me make love to you
“Why do the guys always play this song at every party?”
“They think it makes them cool.”
“As if.”
“I know.”
“Do you think Ed likes me? I thought he did, but now he’s totally ignoring me.”
“Ed is failing French and he’s like barely even cute. You are better than Ed.”
“Okay, okay, thx Jess.”
“Is it just me, or are there no cute guys here? Like not even one.”
“I know, it’s like being at school but with booze. We need new people.”
“I feel like shit, I think it’s these wine coolers. I might throw up.”
“Oh no! Want me to come with you to the bathroom?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m just gonna lie down in Emma’s bedroom for awhile.”
“Don’t choke on your puke! That’s how rock stars always die.”
“I’m not going to choke on my vomit for God’s sake. I’m just lying down for a bit and if I don’t feel better I’m outta here.”
“K. I’m gonna check out the backyard scene.”
“K.”
Emma’s bedroom and bathroom were on the third floor – like her own little dusty rose, wall-to-wall carpeted apartment. Jessie tried throwing up the disgusting Strawberry coolers but nothing happened, so she went into Emma’s bedroom and lay down on the peach-quilted bed.
The bedroom was huge: two single beds, a desk, a long curvy dresser, a Pier One Papasan chair and a vanity table covered with makeup and perfume bottles.
She looked at Emma’s clock radio: 10:45 pm.
“If I don’t feel better in fifteen minutes I’m going home,” she said out loud.
Jessie stared at the ceiling. There was a beautiful crystal chandelier, softly-lit, creating a romantic vibe.
“She even has a dimmer for her light? Jesus.”
She looked again at the bedside table: gold ornate Kleenex box, 2 Swatch watches, one red, one cobalt blue. The newest Cosmopolitan magazine and a heart-shape framed photo of Emma and her beloved, but now dead, cat Gus.
“God I feel nauseas. Maybe I just need to eat something. Did I even have dinner?”
She thought back to earlier in the night. They had all ordered pizza, but Jessie had only eaten a few bites because it was covered in ham and pineapple.
She tried on the cobalt Swatch, it looked good.
A soft knock sounded:
“Jessie, you okay in there?”
“I’m fine Jen, don’t worry, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“No, it’s Derek, not Jen” said Derek as he opened the door.
“Oh hi Derek, sorry, I thought you were Jen. What are you doing upstairs?”
“I heard Jen talking about you not feeling well, so I figured someone better check on you.”
“Oh thanks, I’m okay. I didn’t eat enough dinner because the pizza was disgusting and then I drank those wine coolers…”
“Wine coolers are never a good idea,” said Derek, sitting down on the bed.
She sighed, “I know.”
“Those football dudes from Sherwood Collegiate just got here and they’re fucking idiots. Who even invited them?”
“I think Sharon whatsername did, she’s into one of them.”
“Sharon smells, like she always smells like baked apples,” said Derek as he lay down next to Jessie. “I mean what? Does her mother bake pies all day? It’s weird.”
“Well, there are worse things to smell like, right?” said Jessie.
“True!” laughed Derek
“I can’t forget to take off this watch before I leave, it’s Emma’s. Can you imagine if I accidentally stole it? Christ.”
“Emma’s too muscular, she’s built like a rugby player,” said Derek.
“I think she’s really beautiful. Like if I were a guy I would totally be into her.”
Jessie started to sit up.
“I feel gross. I’m going home.”
Derek took Jessie by the wrist, the one with the Swatch and lay her back down on the bed.
“Come on, just hang out here with me for a little while.”
“Fine, but for like 5 min max.”
“So, are you and Mike still dating?”
“Mike? No, that’s way way over. I think he’s dating that fake goth girl Chrissy.”
“Oh well, his loss. You’re gorgeous and she wears black lipstick. I mean what’s his problem?”
Jessie laughed.
“Derek, just to warn you, I could literally throw up any minute and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”
“I’m willing to take the chance.”
“Were you and Mike serious?”
“Well, we weren’t not serious, like we only dated each other. At least I think we only dated each other. At least I only dated him.”
Laughing, Derek said, “you’re funny,” then rolled over on his side and pressed himself up against her.
“Kiss me.”
“Are you insane? I literally just told you I feel like barfing and you want me to kiss you? No.”
He slid his hand up her sweater. It was her new Esprit sweater, dark grey with lime green lighting bolts on it.
“Derek, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but just stop it. I don’t want to fool around.”
“Relax, relax, it’s just a kiss,” he said as he pulled his hand off her chest and kissed her.
“Stop, it. I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
Derek started pulling down her black tights.
“Have you lost your mind? Did you smoke too much hash? Get off of me right now or I’ll scream.”
“No one will hear you.”
“Derek, please.”
“Take a chill pill. We’re just fooling around, that’s what people do at parties.”
Derek had lighting-fast undressing skills and before Jessie knew it her tights were halfway down her legs. Her pale thighs exposed and the bottom half of her legs still covered in opaque black. She was wearing her favorite ankle-boots, the ones that looked like Madonna’s in the Lucky Star video.
“Stop. You’re hurting me.”
“I’m not hurting you. God, I didn’t realize you were so uptight. No wonder Mike left you for Chrissy.”
Jessie tried willing herself to throw up. If she barfed, Derek would surely stop.
“Dear God, please help me puke so that Derek gets off of me.”
Derek was now yanking her underwear down.
“I thought you liked Andrea Henderson? She likes you too you know.”
“I know she likes me. I’m going out with her tomorrow night.”
He managed to get her underwear pulled down while he simultaneously unzipped his jeans. All the while he was holding her down with one surprisingly strong arm.
“Please stop Derek. I don’t want to have sex with you. We can do something else. How about I go down on you?”
Jessie had no desire to go down on Derek but thought it was worth a try, it would buy her some time.
“Come on, you know this is better.”
He continued kissing her, mostly on her neck and strangely they were soft kisses. They were everything that his deep, painful thrusts were not.
Out of the corner of her eye Jessie saw a flash of cobalt from her wrist. She focused on it. She thought of the Swatch magazine ad she’d recently seen in Mademoiselle magazine. It was a color wheel of Swatch Watches, every shade of the rainbow. The fluorescent green one had been her favorite. The cobalt blue was nice though, it was a bright cobalt.
Derek rolled off her.
“That was amazing.”
He turned to her and kissed her on the mouth, a long, deep kiss like they were a happy girlfriend and boyfriend couple.
“I’ll see you downstairs Jess.”
As he zipped up and closed the door behind him, Jessie took off the cobalt Swatch and placed it on the bedside table. She slowly pulled up her underwear and her tights. Easing herself off the bed, she made sure to plump the pillow and smooth out the wrinkles on the quilt, like a hotel maid would do.
At Emma’s vanity table she fixed her hair and sprayed her neck where Derek had been kissing her – with a bottle of Beautiful. Looking closely at each of Emma’s seven lipsticks, she finally decided on Maybelline’s “Iced Berry,” which she applied with her fingers. She took a final look around the pretty bedroom and shut the door behind her.
She decided to go pee because she’d once read that peeing after sex prevented infections.
Downstairs she made a beeline for the study, where she found her black purse and vintage leopard print coat under a massive pile.
“Jessie, are you leaving? Did you throw up? I met this cute guy named Trevor, he’s in Grade 11 at Wrightly High. You look super pale, are you okay?”
“Can you call me a cab? I need to get some air.”
“Ya I’ll call now.”
Jessie was already on her way outside.
“It’ll be here in five minutes or less. Want me to wait with you? You look bad. I mean not ugly bad, just like sick bad.”
“Thanks, but I’m fine. Call me tomorrow and let me know what happens with Trevor, k?”
“K. Hope you feel better,” Jen said as she hugged Jessie.
Outside Jessie fished a cigarette out of her purse. Though she didn’t smoke regularly, she always liked to have a pack on her. She inhaled deeply and tried exhaling like the movie stars did in the late night classic films that she sometimes watched.
As her cab pulled up Derek poked his head out the front door:
“Just wanted to make sure you were getting home safely. Have a good weekend Jess.”
Jessie stared at him, tossed her cigarette on the sidewalk and got in the cab.
This story was inspired by a sexual assault I experienced in high school.
sparkledame 