Why didn’t you protect me?
I’m your spirit
You’re nothing without me, like a balloon with no air
I can’t believe you betrayed me like this
Your only job as a human was to protect me, to keep me alive and vibrant
Maybe I should feel sorry for you, show more compassion, try to understand why you let this happen
But I’m too angry
I gave you so many good years
So much Radiance. Laughter. Beauty. Sparkle. Enthusiasm. Joy. Abundance.
And this is how you repay me?
You watched as he broke me into pieces
You didn’t fight for me
You gave up
So don’t you dare assume that I’m going to get right back up and start twirling and tossing my damn glitter baton high up in the air for you
Show me that you remember how breathtaking I am
Show me that you cherish me and will protect me forever
And then maybe, maybe I will come back and light up your life again
By artist Debra Bernier:
Let’s do it
Let’s jump together
Into lightness, into frivolity
I know it’s not usually where we hang out
We usually hang out in the darkness, in the heaviness
But I don’t like it here anymore
It’s sad and it’s hard to breathe
Please, take my hand and let’s jump together
No, I can’t promise anything
It might not work
Maybe we are not meant to live in lightness
Maybe in a past life we were horrible people and now we have to live in the darkness, you know like karma
But I think that’s unlikely
I think if we jumped into lightness, into joy
I think we would really like it there
We could laugh and sing and eat cake
I mean who doesn’t like cake?
Let’s try, it’s worth trying isn’t it?
Take my hand
I know my hand will probably feel weird because you’re not used to holding it
And it might be a little dry because I always forget to moisturize
But we deserve silly nights together, going to the fair and eating cotton candy
True, we don’t have an actual fair in this big angry city we live in, but think of it more like a metaphor
Take my hand and let’s just try
And if you don’t like the light you can go back to the darkness
But I think I’m going to like the light
I’m ready for the light
Truthfully I’ve never liked living in this dark heavy place
I guess I should have told you that I didn’t like it here
But I felt like I wasn’t allowed to say anything
And it really is getting so hard to breathe
So please, won’t you take my hand and jump into the lightness with me?
Art by Willy Pogany
Twirling in the park, trying to catch my light
I know it’s out here
I just have to twirl a little faster
My arms outstretched
I almost had it earlier, but it slipped through my fingers
Like when you’re trying to climax but you can’t
I can do this
This light is mine for the taking
If other people get to have their light then I do too
I’m going to twirl in this park until it’s mine
Like Wonder Woman spinning from her civilian clothes into her superhero outfit
I’m spinning to get my version of that
I mean I’ll make it my own, I’m not going to copy Wonder Woman’s look
Mine will probably be a black lace dress
My tiara will be made of iridescent crystals and vintage rhinestones
I’ll wear over-the-knee black suede boots like the ones I had in the 80’s from Le Chateau
Witch-y chic meets Urban Boho
Whatever, I’ll figure out the aesthetic later on
Right now I need to concentrate
That light is rightfully mine
And by the way that light is also rightfully yours
So why aren’t you twirling in the park with me?
Come join me, we’ll twirl together
We need a twirling Spotify playlist
I’m thinking a Kate Bush/FKA Twigs/Tori Amos/Billie Elish vibe
I’m tossing my head back now because that’s what people do when they twirl, at least in the movies
Though I have a bad neck so I need to be careful
What will I do when I catch the light you ask?
I will use the light to guide me down the path that I already know I’m meant to take, it’s just been too dark for me to follow
Like a fancy flashlight, the light will beautifully illuminate my way
It will also give me special powers, different than Wonder Woman’s powers, like I won’t have The Lasso of Truth
Instead, I’ll speak my truth at all times, I won’t ever make myself small, I will speak my truth even if others don’t like it
I’ll put up boundaries with ease: “sorry your energy is wack, I’m outta here”
I’ll become best friends with my anxiety and calm her the fuck down
I’ll let go of everything that doesn’t serve me, like packing lightly for a trip:
I want to be the chic woman traveling with only one carry-on bag, not the frazzled sweating woman who’s checking two oversized suitcases held together with duct tape
My light will laser-beam away old trauma, making room – so so much room – for me to thrive
I’ll use my light to help anyone in need – so long as they have love in their heart
They can plug into me and I’ll charge them – just like charging an electric car
Light-infused energy will flood their body and psyche, allowing them to live with more ease & experience more joy
Maybe I’ll create a lovely room for people to relax while they plug into me, like “I Dream of Jeannie’s” room – a circular purple velvet couch with pink satin pillows
All this to say, that if you happen to see a woman twirling in the park don’t worry
It’s just me trying to catch my light
✨Artwork by Daria Hlazatova. Find her on Instagram✨
I miss you
I miss how we were together
At least I miss the memory of how we were together
I can’t honestly say whether my memories are 100% correct
It is entirely possible that I have romanticized things, embellished things; I do have a flair for the dramatic.
But regardless, whether my memory is “correct” or not, I don’t care.
I still miss you
I still miss us
You believed in me
You didn’t want me to dim my light, you wanted me to radiate.
You wanted me to sparkle like a crystal chandelier with high voltage lightbulbs
My light made you happy
To be encouraged to shine like a fucking diamond was the most beautiful feeling
Really, I’m not interested in any other kind of love
Truth be told, there is a chance that my psyche imagined this entire relationship.
That I never had someone like you
That you are a figment of my spectacular mind
If that’s the case, then I still don’t care
Because what I miss – you, us – is what I want in my life
I don’t want anything less
I won’t settle
What’s the point?
The planet is burning, there is no time for anything less
There is only time to love in a way that allows the other to blossom from a little bud to a glorious flower.
If we all loved like that, helping each other become our most sublime versions of ourselves, we might create an energy force so powerful that we could save the fucking world.