“Stop trying to control everything, let yourself fall apart. Just let it all go.”

“Great advice. Where’d you get it, Instagram?”

“Yes it’s from Instagram, but it’s from a psychologist not like an influencer.”

“Love getting my mental health guidance from Mark Zuckerberg. Maybe I’ll film my breakdown, make a reel and post it. Should I add Harry Styles’ music to keep it upbeat and trending?”

“You have a bad attitude. Clearly you’re not happy, yet you’re holding on for dear life to everything and everyone that doesn’t work for you. I hate watching you do this, it’s like watching a car crash over and over again.”

“Nice. Really nice. Thanks for the support.”

“I am being supportive, but I’m not going to sugarcoat things, that’s not being a true friend. I’m telling you like it is.”

“Fine. But I mean I can’t just fall apart completely, I would be a mess.”

“Umm, news flash – you’re a mess now girl. Falling apart is going to help you not be a mess. Or, you can keep doing what you’re doing and be miserable and also drive your friends and family crazy.”

“Thanks for the added pressure. I didn’t realize I was such a burden to everyone.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re not a burden, but it’s hard on your loved ones to watch you not take action. We kind of want to push you over the cliff, symbolically of course.”

Of course. I mean I get it, I’m driving myself crazy too. Every morning I look in the mirror and it’s like welcome to the shit show, day number 289.”

“What ever happened to your therapist?”

“She retired to Boca Raton. And the therapist who took over her practice is obsesssed with spirit animals, she said their guidance is the ultimate wisdom.”

“That sounds cool. So what’s your spirit animal?”

“I don’t have one – that’s the problem. Apparently the spirit animal chooses you, but they haven’t yet, so I feel like a total loser.”

“You’re not a loser. Your spirit animal just can’t get through to you because you’re in a tangled web of emotions. They’re waiting for you to untangle yourself – just a little – then they’ll reveal themselves.”

“I hope so. I’m exhausted. I am so so tired of feeling like this. It’s like having a new variant of Covid – ‘Emotional Mess Covid, variant #32X’.”

“HA! At least you still have your sense of humor. And don’t forget: I love you fiercely, I believe in you and you’ve got this kid.”

“Thanks sweetie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Fox Spirit, an art print by Luluko

Author: sparkledame

I’m a Canadian-American writer who currently resides in Toronto ~ but My God do I miss the sunshine of Southern California! In 2014 I was diagnosed with Peritoneal Mesothelioma & I continue to deal with complications related to it. Cake for breakfast makes everything better & vintage fashion is my joy.

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