Sally folded her socks into perfect little balls then lined them up in soldier straight lines. Next she tackled her underwear drawer, folding them in half and placing them in piles according to style: hipster, bikini, briefs. She used plastic dividers that she had bought at the dollar store to separate them. After adding lavender sachets to both drawers, she sat down on the edge of her bed and took a long sip of Chardonnay.
Sally had just finished reading “De-Clutter & Manifest your Dreams!” by Dr. Bryanne Goodwyn. Dr. Goodwyn – a Lifestyle Psychiatrist – wrote that a disorganized home reflected a chaotic psyche, a psyche unfit to receive the universe’s abundance. Therefore, in order to manifest one’s dreams, a person had to first get their home in order. “De-Clutter & Manifest your Dreams!” had come into Sally’s life at the perfect moment. She had been struggling with how to talk with her boyfriend, Derek, about the fact that he had not yet asked her to marry him. But since reading Dr. Goodwyn’s book, Sally realized that she was partly to blame for the fact that she still didn’t have an engagement ring. Sally’s closets, drawers and cupboards were completely disorganized, there wasn’t any room for Derek’s belongings. The message that Sally was sending him was: “You’re not important enough to me for me to make space for you.” Thank God for Dr. Goodwyn, it it were not for her book Sally would’t have realized that she could manifest her dreams, which included marrying Derek.
After organizing all nine dresser drawers and emptying out three of them for Derek, Sally decided to take a break and work on her visualization board. Dr. Goodwyn recommended creating a visualization board for all the things that one wanted to manifest in one’s life. Every morning she advised focusing on the board while repeating these words: “I have de-cluttered my life to make room for my dreams. I am deserving. Thank you universe for your eternal love & please help me on my journey of manifestation.”
Sally’s visualization board was massive, she had a long Manifestation List. The top left corner was dedicated to her wedding, with photos torn out of bridal magazines. It was going to be a summer wedding, the theme – Rustic-Chic, with flowers in mason jars and long, country farm tables. Her dress, designed by Jessica McClintock, was strapless with a sweetheart neckline and was ivory – not white – lace.
The top right corner of Sally’s visualization board was dedicated to her obsession with Corgis – the breed of low-rider dogs that the of Queen of England was famous for owning. She wanted two of them and she had already located a breeder in a nearby state. Their names would be Petal and Charlie. Unfortunately Derek didn’t like dogs, he preferred cats. In fact he took care of his neighborhood’s feral cats, about fifteen of them, leaving food and water out every night and building elaborate cat hang-outs on his front porch. During the winter months he even had specially heated covered cat beds. Sally had some serious visualization work to do on this issue – there was no way in hell that she was going to be known as The Crazy Cat Lady and she didn’t want Petal and Charlie getting fleas or worse, from the wretched creatures. Sally drained her glass of wine and walked over to the fridge to pour herself another one. For a brief moment she worried that perhaps Derek was mentally unstable. The feral cat caretaker thing was a bit much – I mean what kind of person does that?
At eight o’clock sharp the phone rang. It was Derek, he always called her at 8:00 PM on nights when he had to work late. “Guess what?!” he asked happily. “What?!” cried Sally, trying to contain her excitement. “Remember how you told me about that de-cluttering book you were reading and about how in order to manifest our dreams we had to first get our house in order?” Sally was pleasantly surprised that Derek remembered her telling him about Dr. Goodwyn’s book. She always figured that he kind of tuned her out when she started talking about her newest self-help book. “Yes, it’s such a great book, really empowering,” Sally said. “I know, it’s amazing! I read the whole thing in one sitting. Then I took the day off work today and re-organized my entire condo. I gave away eleven bags of stuff to The Salvation Army.” Sally felt a little irritated at the idea that Derek had co-opted her book and one-upped her by de-cluttering his entire place, Sally had only finished her bedroom. “Wow. Congrats to you,” she said, “How do you feel?” she asked. “I feel SO good! Organizing and purging was somehow like the jolt that I needed to move forward with my life. I see things more clearly now.” Sally held her breath, this was the moment she had been waiting for. Although a marriage proposal over the phone was not ideal, the important things was that it was happening. She took a sip of wine as Derek continued. “I’ve realized that my dream is to open a cat sanctuary. I’m taking a six week intensive training course on Animal Rescue, it starts next week in Denver. My neighbor, Mrs. Jubas, is going to take care of my feral cats while I’m away.” Sally exhaled. You have got to be kidding me, she thought. “Sally, I have you to thank for this incredible turn of events in my life. If you hadn’t told me about Dr. Goodwyn’s book, I never would have de-cluttered and manifested my dream. I hope that you manifest all your dreams too. Sally, are you still there?” Not only was her Rustic-Chic wedding not happening, but Derek was a better Manifestor than her. Sally turned off her phone and walked over to her visualization board. She tore off all the wedding pictures, but left up the sections entitled “Dream Home,” “Health & Beauty,” and “Career.” She also kept her Corgi pictures up. Tomorrow she would call the Corgi Breeder. Fuck Derek and his stupid cats anyways.
sparkledame 