Gourds

“Victoria, you need to switch out your decor.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You still have your fall wreath up and old pumpkins and gourds. It’s December.”

“There’s nothing in our condo rules book that says we have to do any kind of decor. If I wanted to, and maybe I do, I could put out my pink flamingos.”

“Very funny. The condo board just wants a cohesive look for our development, is that too much to ask?”

“Umm, ya, actually it is too much to ask.”

“All you have to do is look around at the other houses, do you see any fall or Thanksgiving decorations? No you don’t. You see Christmas and Hanukkah and lots of sparkle and lights. That’s what’s appropriate for December.”

“We’re not Stepford Wives and this is not Connecticut; I’ll put up whatever kind of decor I want. By the way, in case you haven’t noticed, the world is going up in flames. I’m pretty sure no one cares about my outdoor decor.”

“Actually, people do care. We’ve had two complaints about you in the last year.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The condo board received two anonymous notes about your slovenliness.”

Victoria started laughing.

“Oh my God, that’s hysterical. What were people upset about?”

“You didn’t throw out your fall plants. You left them to rot in the front yard bushes.”

“I do that so they’ll decompose, it’s good for the soil.”

“It looks unseemly. That’s what yard waste bags are for.”

“And what was my second infraction officer?”

“The second complaint was about your dandelions. Your yard was covered with them this spring, it looked like some derelict home from the wrong side of town.”

“They’re good for the environment, haven’t you read about the honeybees?”

“A few dandelions is all you need to help the honeybees, not a yard full.”

“Dandelions are very chic. Architectural Digest even did a feature on them.”

“Victoria, I don’t want to argue about dandelions. I just want you to put up your damn holiday decor.”

“Well, since Trump is not President yet, I’m going to take advantage of the few freedoms we still have. I’ll decorate for the holidays when I’m in the mood. When I’m feeling festive. Goodbye Colleen.”