“You were a surprise. Your father and I weren’t planning on having a family for another few years. But back then abortions were hard to come by, so we had you.”
“Oh, well, okay. Thanks for sharing mom, it’s always good to know one’s origin story. Here, eat some toast.”
“You know your father wasn’t my first lover, before I met him I slept with many men. One in particular was unbelievable in bed, he was a Marine. My God what a time we had together.”
“Wow. I’m getting the good family history, not the boring stuff. Want some orange juice?”
“Not that orange juice, it’s got pulp in it, looks like orange sludge. You never remember to buy pulp-free.”
“You’re right, I do seem to have a mental block about pulp. How about a few bites of egg?”
“Sure, I love eggs. And I love chickens and hens and roosters. Though roosters get up a tad early for my liking.”
“I almost forgot, here: I brought you a cappuccino from that cafe you like around the corner.”
“I hate cappuccinos, I only drink lattes. You never get anything right.”
“Oh.”
“Do you see that lady in the pink uniform?”
“Yes, that’s Nancy, your Personal Support Worker. She’s lovely.”
“She’s not lovely, she’s a thief. She stole my pearl earrings.”
“I don’t think Nancy would steal from you mom, the earrings must be around somewhere. I’ll find them.”
“No you won’t find them because Nancy stole them. We should fire her.”
“We’re not firing her, she’s a great help, we’d be lost without her.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Did you take your pills?”
“Yes I took my fucking pills, stop harassing me. You treat me like a child.”
“I don’t mean to, I apologize.”
“Your father is acting weird lately. Have you noticed? He’s wearing his hair shorter and he’s dressing nicer than usual. Do you think he’s having an affair?”
“No, of course not, dad adores you. He has a new barber who likes to cut his hair short. And I made him buy some new pants, he was looking grubby.”
“It’s probably that woman who drives that ridiculous pink scooter around the neighborhood, she always had a thing for him. And now that her husband is six feet under she’s got her eyes on your father.”
“It doesn’t matter if she has her eyes on dad, he would never go for her. A pink bedazzled scooter? Not his vibe.”
“True. I mean how tacky can you get? Where’s Jeff? He hasn’t visited in ages.”
“We broke up mom, remember? But he sends his best. He misses playing Gin Rummy with you.”
“You never told me you two broke up! Why would you not tell your mother such important news? That’s very sad. He was a good man. Your father and I are going to be dead before we see you get married. Jesus.”
“I don’t believe in marriage mom. And yes, Jeff was a good man, we just grew apart. It’s okay, we’re still friends.”
“Friends? Pathetic.”
“Want another piece of toast?”
“Yes please. Sourdough bread is the best, isn’t it? I just love it.”
“Me too mom, me too.”
sparkledame 